I'm ill. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate it. No matter how many times I fall ill, I'm never able to anticipate it or cope with it particularly well. This time has managed to buck a trend and be a bit different. I'm unable to discern whether this difference is a good or a bad thing; but it has had me questioning my own mortality. I'm ill. It's taking me twice as long to do things. My brain isn't able to function. I ache all over. I'm fussy with what I want to drink and eat. All things I'm probably going to have to deal with once I get old...older...elderly. It's rather frightening.
I value being able to do what I can now. But inevitably, all of this: me being healthy overall, still some-what young - it won't last forever. And it's in this state of illness and complete and utter weakness that I'm in now that it's hitting me. And fucking scaring me. None of us want to get old and be that person struggling with a stick on the London underground. Or be that old person in the wheelchair under a mustard coloured crochet knitted blanket. But it's our future. They say our future is what we make it. But this is something we have no control over. You could say getting old is the reward of having lived a life. Something which kids who have been shot and knifed on the street and those who tragically die on their way to the 40's were denied the luxury of having.
There's a lesson here somewhere. I'm too ill to find it. But I think it's along the lines of making sure you live your life the best you can whilst you can. And taking advantage of all of the things you can do now that you sure as hell won't be able to do once you get older. Some shit like that.
I value being able to do what I can now. But inevitably, all of this: me being healthy overall, still some-what young - it won't last forever. And it's in this state of illness and complete and utter weakness that I'm in now that it's hitting me. And fucking scaring me. None of us want to get old and be that person struggling with a stick on the London underground. Or be that old person in the wheelchair under a mustard coloured crochet knitted blanket. But it's our future. They say our future is what we make it. But this is something we have no control over. You could say getting old is the reward of having lived a life. Something which kids who have been shot and knifed on the street and those who tragically die on their way to the 40's were denied the luxury of having.
There's a lesson here somewhere. I'm too ill to find it. But I think it's along the lines of making sure you live your life the best you can whilst you can. And taking advantage of all of the things you can do now that you sure as hell won't be able to do once you get older. Some shit like that.