Tuesday, August 27th was a momentous day in national history, as it was the UK's very first ever national burger day. Given the nation is currently trying its damnest to get everybody to eat healthier I don't think this helped matters. But everybody is allowed to have that one day where they eat nothing but shit. And the burger in all fairness deserves its own celebratory day. So I thank Mr. Hyde and Tweat up for making it happen. Harvesting their powers to bring the UK its very first national burger day and for a burger festival in its honour to be held in my home city of London.
My love of burgers began earlier this year. Working in Central London is a dangerous thing, because not only are you bled dry on travel if you live about 3 zones out, but you are spoilt for choice on places to spend your money during your lunch breaks. One of my work buddies and I would constantly moan about having no money, yet would spent many of our lunch breaks throwing money at the various burger joints in the area. Tinseltown on Great Portland Street. Patty & bun and Burgers & cocktail at St. Christopher's Place. Meat liquor. Some stall at Berwick street market. If there was a burger within the vicinity we could get to and snack at within our lunch break, we'd go there. If we were having a shit day, we'd get a burger. If we were having a good day, we'd get a burger. Not sure where to go. 'Shall we grab a burger?' 'Yay, sure!' Burger.
But in parallel to my friend and I being a couple of burger bitches, the burger has seen a rise in popularity over the past couple of years. People long cottoned on to the McDonald's burger being completely shit and doing the burger complete injustices that would make cows turn in their graves. We all know that Burger king burgers are better, but they're not as easy to find on the high street as a McDoo-doo's. And whilst every diner and restaurant does burgers, you want more than just a regular burger. You want a good fucking burger that makes you sit and think 'Wow. My mouth just got sexed by a beef patty'. Which is why the time felt right for there to be a national burger day and was inexplicably why the ticketed event had sold out and the burger festival was chock-a-block full of burger lovers. If we are going to run with this analogy of mouths being sexed by beef patties, then my mouth got gang banged on national burger day and I loved every second of it.
The festival was held in the North-East London district of Dalston and I couldn't think of a better place for there to be such a festival of filth, because Dalston is so rancid that it's 'cool'. It's just about respectable enough that you can openly say you had gone there in your poshest voice and get an 'Awww, that's nice!' from one crowd. But grimey enough that you can say you'd gone there with a grimace and a cock of the head and get a 'Wicked!' and a nudge of approval from the other. Dalston straddles that line.
I was in-denial that having paid a tenner for a ticket to this festival would entitle me to lots of free burgers, but it was not the case. There wasn't even so much as a discount on the burgers here. You pretty much paid what you would if you were to have visited any of the restaurants or pop-ups throwing cow on the griddle. But everybody was given a voucher for a free pint of beer, a chilli shot and a pickle shot. I'm classy and have self restraint, so it took me all of 7 minutes to cash in these alcoholic freebies.
Many of London's established and up-and-coming burger joints, restaurants and pop-ups all had stalls at the event where you could buy a burger, say grace before tucking in with an instagram it (as is now customary), scoff and then sit and either nod in approval or screw your face and trash talk that you'd had better - which is all part of the fun. Meat liquor, Honest burger, Mother flipper and Dirty burger were amongst the attendees flipping patties for the public at the event.
Amongst conventional burger stands were also some specialities. Mother flipper cashed in on the cronut craze with a cronut burger which was a beef patty in a sweet pastry with chocolate. This sounds disgusting, but was in fact bloody delicious. The contrast of beef and chocolate was really nice. Nothing I say will ever convince you that beef and chocolate goes well together, but if you are willing to just take my word for it, then believe me when I say that a cronut burger is delicious. Weird as fuck, but surprisingly delicious. There was a macaroon stand which had macaroons crafted like burgers, but made with sweets. All of which looked far too pretty and meticulously detailed to actually eat. The coup de grâce was the burger ice cream. I know I had said about 6 lines up that chocolate and beef go together, but oddly (PAH) this does not apply to ice cream. A bunch of guys were kind enough to offer my friends and I some of their burger ice cream, which they had admitted (after seeing my face contort into an expression of disgust) was to see what we thought of it and if we would find it as disgusting as they had. Burger ice cream is fucking awful. My brain couldn't quite process it and it still can not. You are eating ice cream, but you are tasting a cheeseburger in your mouth. I needed a minute to just run that through my head.
My friends and I managed to snag a burger from all but 2 of the burger stands at the festival because they have bone marrow in the burgers - which neither of us was willing to stomach, despite having taken the plunge with a chocolate burger and cheeseburger ice cream. I'm proud of the accomplishment. I managed to scoff down grease infested burgers without so much as getting a drop of it on my clothes. And despite wearing slim fit jeans I managed to walk, not waddle my way to the tube station and all the way home without so much as un-doing my top button to let da belly hang all the way out. I'm a champion. But the real champion here is the burger. Long live the patty. May national burger day go on to prosper and be a continual national holiday.
My love of burgers began earlier this year. Working in Central London is a dangerous thing, because not only are you bled dry on travel if you live about 3 zones out, but you are spoilt for choice on places to spend your money during your lunch breaks. One of my work buddies and I would constantly moan about having no money, yet would spent many of our lunch breaks throwing money at the various burger joints in the area. Tinseltown on Great Portland Street. Patty & bun and Burgers & cocktail at St. Christopher's Place. Meat liquor. Some stall at Berwick street market. If there was a burger within the vicinity we could get to and snack at within our lunch break, we'd go there. If we were having a shit day, we'd get a burger. If we were having a good day, we'd get a burger. Not sure where to go. 'Shall we grab a burger?' 'Yay, sure!' Burger.
But in parallel to my friend and I being a couple of burger bitches, the burger has seen a rise in popularity over the past couple of years. People long cottoned on to the McDonald's burger being completely shit and doing the burger complete injustices that would make cows turn in their graves. We all know that Burger king burgers are better, but they're not as easy to find on the high street as a McDoo-doo's. And whilst every diner and restaurant does burgers, you want more than just a regular burger. You want a good fucking burger that makes you sit and think 'Wow. My mouth just got sexed by a beef patty'. Which is why the time felt right for there to be a national burger day and was inexplicably why the ticketed event had sold out and the burger festival was chock-a-block full of burger lovers. If we are going to run with this analogy of mouths being sexed by beef patties, then my mouth got gang banged on national burger day and I loved every second of it.
The festival was held in the North-East London district of Dalston and I couldn't think of a better place for there to be such a festival of filth, because Dalston is so rancid that it's 'cool'. It's just about respectable enough that you can openly say you had gone there in your poshest voice and get an 'Awww, that's nice!' from one crowd. But grimey enough that you can say you'd gone there with a grimace and a cock of the head and get a 'Wicked!' and a nudge of approval from the other. Dalston straddles that line.
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| Welcome to the ghetto |
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| Here is a picture of one of the hundreds of burgers I ate |
Many of London's established and up-and-coming burger joints, restaurants and pop-ups all had stalls at the event where you could buy a burger, say grace before tucking in with an instagram it (as is now customary), scoff and then sit and either nod in approval or screw your face and trash talk that you'd had better - which is all part of the fun. Meat liquor, Honest burger, Mother flipper and Dirty burger were amongst the attendees flipping patties for the public at the event.
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| Here is a picture of a tiny burger I threw into my mouth and swallowed whole, because I am a burger whore. |
Amongst conventional burger stands were also some specialities. Mother flipper cashed in on the cronut craze with a cronut burger which was a beef patty in a sweet pastry with chocolate. This sounds disgusting, but was in fact bloody delicious. The contrast of beef and chocolate was really nice. Nothing I say will ever convince you that beef and chocolate goes well together, but if you are willing to just take my word for it, then believe me when I say that a cronut burger is delicious. Weird as fuck, but surprisingly delicious. There was a macaroon stand which had macaroons crafted like burgers, but made with sweets. All of which looked far too pretty and meticulously detailed to actually eat. The coup de grâce was the burger ice cream. I know I had said about 6 lines up that chocolate and beef go together, but oddly (PAH) this does not apply to ice cream. A bunch of guys were kind enough to offer my friends and I some of their burger ice cream, which they had admitted (after seeing my face contort into an expression of disgust) was to see what we thought of it and if we would find it as disgusting as they had. Burger ice cream is fucking awful. My brain couldn't quite process it and it still can not. You are eating ice cream, but you are tasting a cheeseburger in your mouth. I needed a minute to just run that through my head.
My friends and I managed to snag a burger from all but 2 of the burger stands at the festival because they have bone marrow in the burgers - which neither of us was willing to stomach, despite having taken the plunge with a chocolate burger and cheeseburger ice cream. I'm proud of the accomplishment. I managed to scoff down grease infested burgers without so much as getting a drop of it on my clothes. And despite wearing slim fit jeans I managed to walk, not waddle my way to the tube station and all the way home without so much as un-doing my top button to let da belly hang all the way out. I'm a champion. But the real champion here is the burger. Long live the patty. May national burger day go on to prosper and be a continual national holiday.